I want to.... love

This poem was started in the month of February, about four days to Valentine's day and completed over 6 months later in September. It has two versions, the first been an actual love letter and the second, the one you are about to read. I thought it was about time I shared it you . Enjoy💗

 I realized I want to love

Like I’ve had my heart broken 

Like I’ve equally broken one too.

Not the most beautiful thing to say about how you want to love 

But that’s what I want

And more.

Why?

To not forget how beautiful love is

As well as how sad, boring and ugly and suffocating it could be without it.

To remember how powerful my words and actions or the lack thereof could be

To also etch in my memory the unspeakable but loud, pain screaming in their eyes 

And the uneasiness in my chest while I said those breaking words of parting.

A forever reminder that love isn't something to quit so easily.

Regardless of all this,

I would love to still open my heart to the endless possibilities

Of giving my heart to someone, something and people 

Because I would rather be a fool for love than be someone with no love at all

While prayerfully hoping that courage avails for me.

Instead of building Jericho-like walls to guard my heart 

Keeping everyone and everything out.

And when I do find it,

That special person, thing and people

To whom I would make an intentional effort to pour myself into,

I want to love like I have never loved before!

That even when time passes by 

and we are two years in together, together

I would still value it like my most realized priced possession

Finally,

I don’t just want to love you with my best parts and good experiences,

I want to love you with the consciousness of my not so good parts and my bad experiences 

I want to love with all of me.

                                                                                                             

                                                                                                                Ifedolapo